Life.

What a weekend. 

I have been so mentally and physically exhausted I haven't been able to write. I'll start with a little recap of the rest of the week before I become Debbie Downer and make everyone want to slit their wrists. 

The rest of my week went pretty well. I got to spend the whole day Thursday with Ortho, and I absolutely LOVED it! We did 2 total knees, I&D'd 2 septic knees (aka volcano of pus!! gross/awesome!) and then took out a prosthesis. I hope to continue to make friends with their PA's so I can skip out on the boring stuff and drill some bones and hammer some metal into some more people. Sweet! Maybe I'll bring them donuts or something.....Ha. A little bribe never hurt anyone....

Friday- uneventful, except I BROKE OUT IN CRAZY BUMPS from my elbows to my wrists. Apparently I'm allergic to surgical scrub. Awesome. Another thing that would ONLY happen to me. My arms are still itching like crazy and bumpy. I can't wait to show my preceptor tomorrow. It should be interesting. Also, I managed to scratch the bumps OPEN during the night so it is really going to feel good when I scrub in tomorrow with that alcohol-based crap. If I even GET to scrub in, because what if it gets worse?!? .. I can't possibly be the first one that this has happened to, so there must be an alternative. Guess we will have to wait and see. 

SO... Anyway. The sad part. 

Friday night my mom called me up to  let me know that our cocker spaniel, Sugar, was not doing well. She is 11, but she was completely FINE when I left last weekend. I guess she had a stroke or something because she became really lethargic, fell over, and then peed on the floor, which is something that Shuggie would NEVER do. The vet said that she wouldn't make it though the night without a blood transfusion, so my heroic yellow lab, HONEY stepped up and gave her a blood transfusion! (haha this is absolutely a doggie soap opera/lifetime movie.) So, Honey saved Sugar's life with her blood transfusion and afterward proceeded to PASS OUT, so my mom had to feed her cookies.. hahahaha.. 

Anyway, so Saturday morning my mom called and said "I have some sad news." .. I immediately burst into tears and said, "OMG NO! Sugar didn't make it!!!!" And my mom said "No, Sugar is OK, she is doing much better. But, your grandma passed away this morning." 

I think I went into shock after that. My hands were shaking and my heart was racing and I honestly had no idea what to do. I felt so completely helpless because there I was in BRIDGEPORT CONNECTICUT, 5 hours from ANYONE that I know, and all I really need is someone to cry to. I still feel that way now. 

I immediately packed up my things and decided to go home, but I found out that the funeral/calling hours aren't going to be until late in the week so I would have had to make 2 trips. So I've been here, in CT, all by myself, all weekend. AND IT'S EFFING VALENTINES  DAY, which is, by the way, the WORST holiday every invented. Anyway, I couldn't just SIT there the whole day wallowing in sadness so I did some research, grabbed my credit card, and ventured out into the connecticut shopping district. 

400 dollars worth of designer handbags later, I was feeling a little better, but not much. So I rented a sappy movie, bought a container of chocolate covered strawberries, and sat on my bed and mowed down the WHOLE FRICKEN THING. 

...After my stomach-ache went away, I went to bed, only to wake up and spend another day at the mall. I bought a dress to wear to my grandma's funeral and got a pedicure, and then just walked around the rest of the day....CT is so lonely. 

It's been a pretty crazy weekend. I'm going to miss my grandma so so so much. I can't help but feel so selfish and guilty for not stopping to say goodbye to her before I came here. The last time I saw her was Super Bowl Sunday... I should have stopped to say goodbye, but I was just so "busy." What was wrong with me?? I completely took the time that we had for granted. I guess I just never even thought that maybe I'd never get to see her again. Well, now I don't. I'll never get to see her smile, or get to hear about how she hated the food at the nursing home. I'll never bring her her "snack stash" that she loved so much ever again. I'll never hear her tell me how nice I've "Filled out" (which I used to hate btw), or see her light up and say "Hi Honey!" when I walked into her room to visit her. I will never again hear her tell me how much she misses my grandpa, because she will never have to miss him again. She got the greatest Valentine's Day present in the world. She was finally reunited with her sweetheart. I know that they are together now, and they are probably happier than they have ever been. I love you Grandma. So, so much. RIP.