Monday, March 2, 2009

I'z Just a Country Girl.. Don't Killz Meh!!


Yesterday, I had one of the most terrifying experiences in my LIFE. I'm going to get a permit to carry a handgun I think. This is a long story, but I think it is worth reading.

I had a very relaxing (but still lonely) day planned. I woke up late, went to the gym, showered, made a new weemee, dicked around on the computer, and then finally decided to get dressed and head to Panera Bread (aka my favorite place in the WORLD) to get some food, sit in a corner and read my study guide. Panera is a nice quiet studying atmosphere around 4:00 after the lunch rush. So that was the plan. 

I planted myself in this nice little seat around the corner from most of the rest of the restaurant and near the door. I ate my lunch/dinner, and then leaned back in my chair and started reading my study guide. I planned on just sitting there until the place closed at like 8:30 because, as we all well know, I have nothing better to do with my life. As I was sitting there, I saw someone come through the door out of the corner of my eye. I glanced up just for a second and saw this short, kind of stocky, muscular black man walking in. Nothing out of the ordinary, except for the fact that he was dressed a little bit strangely, "gangsta" I guess you could say (lol) - really baggy black sweatpants, a wife beater, a white zip-up hoodie with the hood up, and something, really weird, BLACK TEARDROP TATOOS on his face. So, whatever, other than the tatoos, nothing really out of the ordinary.. Oh yeah, except for the fact that he was STARING AT  ME with one of the scariest looks I have ever seen. It tripped my creeper radar immediately, and I got that panicky feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

I looked back down and tried to completely ignore the guy, but out of the corner of my eye I saw him walking briskly toward me, instead of going to the counter to get food. He walked RIGHT NEXT to my table, leaned down 2 inches away from my head, and (this is going to sound weird) he SMELLED ME. Thats right. Smelled me. Sniffed my hair. I was so scared because I actually thought he was going to GRAB me! My heart was pounding out of my chest. I literally thought I was going to have a heart attack. He just stared down at me with this serial killer-like grin. I almost died. After that, the guy walked up to the counter and bought a drink or something. I decided he was just a really scary creeper and tried to calm myself down and read my study guide... But I couldn't.

Creeper Man got a cup from the counter and walked into the bathroom. When he came out, he had BEER in his Panera Bread cup. That's right. BEER. At first I thought it had to be iced tea or something like that. But trust me, I know beer when I see it. And it was BEER. 

Mr. Creeper sat down in a chair right around the corner from me. I couldn't actually SEE him so that made me even more nervous. Again, I pretended to study. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see the guy sloooowwwwllllyyy lean back in his chair, and peek around the corner at me. I pretended not to notice. He disappeared back around the corner. Ten seconds later, I see his teardrop tattoo-stained face peeking around the corner again. I pretended not to notice. After about the tenth time this happened I got fed up with this guy and I stared back at him when he looked. Apparently, that is all the invitation he needed. The man got up, picked up his black backpack, and walked over to my table. I went into SVT. He didn't say anything to me. Just set his backpack down in the chair across from me at my table. (On top of my stuff btw) I just looked at him like, "What the hell are you DOING??" I started shaking my head "NO." This is how it went after that: 
 
*Note: I am speaking in a meek, feeble, scared girly voice. Creeper is slurring his speech and speaking gangsterly. He is also getting louder as this conversation goes on. *


ME: *shaking head NO* 
CREEPER: "Oh, Oh, What? What? Whatchu sayin' "NO" for? 
ME: "Please don't put your stuff there, I am sitting here." 
CREEPER: "I see you sitting there. What do you want me to do? Put my stuff on the GROUND??? You want ME to put my stuff on the GROUND?!?!" 
ME: "Yes, I think that would be the best thing." (*shitting pants*) 
CREEPER: "Sweetheart, (he kept calling me "sweetheart" ...ew) You don't even KNOW who you are messing with. I was born in 1976, and when were you born like, 1989?? Just so you know sweetheart, 76 come before 89. You just young and STUPID thats what-chu are. Young. And. Stupid. You's a spoiled little brat that's exactly whatchu are. Spoiled little snot. I'ma go have a cigarette. You just sit there like a good girl and watch my shit, Sweetheart." 

*CREEPER exits scene to patio where he begins smoking cigarette. Blonde girl sits there with her mouth hanging open deciding who to call to say goodbye to before she DIES.* 

I didn't know WHAT to do!! This girl 2 tables down was sitting there with her boyfriend (who I like to call my SAVIOR) and she was like "Um, That was sooo weird! Are you OK?" I'm like,  "NO! not really! I think I have to leave but I'd have to walk right past him! I'm scared he is going to follow me!" 

After that, the girl's boyfriend (SAVIOR), told me to just sit there like nothing happened and he was going to go get the manager. 

A few minutes later, this 5-foot-5 forty-year-old FAT MAN in a Panera Bread apron comes WADDLING around the corner, and stops at my table. He stood up super straight, put his hands on his hips, and made a gesture to Creeper on the patio. "Is that guy bothering you, M'aam?" he says. I almost just got up, walked out to the patio and asked Creeper to just shoot me and get it over with. I'm like GREAT. What is THIS GUY going to do. I went over what happened briefly with the manager, and then he went out to "talk" to Creeper, as I sit there pooping myself waiting for inevitable death. 

The manager kicked Creeper out because he had his stuff all over the floor. He asked him to gather his things and please leave (nothing about me thank goodness). I thought it was over and he was going to leave. ... It wasn't over. 

He walked in from the patio, grabbed his stuff off of the floor, and PLOPPED IT BACK ONTO MY TABLE as he was putting things into it!! More convo: 

ME: "What are you DOING!?!" 
CREEPER: "Oh what, is this a PROBLEM for you??" 
ME: "Well, could you possibly use one of the other EMPTY tables to pack your things on, please?" 
CREEPER: *pssshhhhhhhhh hahahahahahah* "Yeah Sweetheart, guess I can do that for your pretty little face." 
ME: "Thanks." 

The guy finished packing his things and left. I waited like 15 minutes to make sure he was gone and then basically RAN to my car. I seriously considered having a mall cop walk me out to my car. I then proceeded to drive down a bunch of random back roads, go to the grocery store, and drive around the block a few times (just in case) before going home. 

That was seriously one of the scariest experiences of my life! The guy kept reaching into his backpack and every single time I'm thinking "Here it comes, here comes the GUN!!" AH! And those black tear tattoos on his face did not ease my mind. Apparently black tear tattoos either symbolize: 1) how many people you have killed, 2) how many years you have been in jail, 3) That you are in a gang, or 4) ALL OF THE ABOVE. Not good in any case. 

I come from a town that has more cows than people. I mean honestly. I guess this just gives me good reason to never live in a city like Bridgeport EVER!! AHH!


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Mr. Hedgehog

Mr. Hedgehog